The T on Movie Reviews

Once upon a time I used to be a movie reviewer for K-Earth 101 in Los Angeles, until I was fired because I refused to review some Jennifer Love-Hewitt movie  and instead reviewed Eve's Bayou...  I remembering telling K-Earth's 2 million listeners  that Eve's Bayou was so good it would make their draw's drop down to their knees and pop back up to their necks... (IF they were wearing draw's, which I doubt, because LA is the shallow end of the pool.  Botox and weaves are not cheap here doll.   And aint nobody got a job, so its beauty on a budget... and people don't spend money on nothing they can't smoke, snort, or use to help raise the rent.)

Anyway,  during my tenure as the movie reviewer for K-Earth. there was the time that I said a love sick Gerbel opening up a can of furry wop-ass on Richard Gere was the only good thing in Red October... and I said one of Bridget Fonda's films was so bad my eyes ran out of the theatre... All of those, in my opinion, were accurate reviews... Infinity Broadcasting had a different opinion... but you know I'm not one to be mistaken for someone who cares what people think... which brings me to todays topic... Movie Reviewers... and specifically, those people reviewing Spoken Word.

 I, personally, don't like movies that me or Diana Ross are not in, so I have some issues with Spoken Word.  But let's move beyond my feelings, which are arguably sociopathic.  Lets look at the mainstream opinion.   I find it curious that the New York Times was ready to drink the Director and Stars of Spoken Word's bath water, and the LA Times was ready to have them all shot at dawn... And all the other Spoken Word reviews were like that... they loved it... or they hated it.... which brings me to this point... who asked them...  and who cares what any of then think?   Talk about a racket... it's worse than when Winchell's was selling the LAPD Cheerios and telling them they were donut seeds.

Think about it.  These movie reviewers, bust up in these movies, don't wait in line, park their hams up in the best seats and do absolutely nothing but come out the theatre with "complimentary" Juju Bees and popcorn on their breath, talking out of their behinds, smelling up the press.   Your mamma didn't raise no fools.  You're either going to like the movie or you're not.  You don't need nobody to tell you what you think.  Its bad enough all these people telling you what you cannot do, but I digress.  Nothing or nobody, can be everything to everybody... So the take home message from the Spoken Word reviews...is people had extreme  reactions... which means that it is an artistic success, because art is supposed to provoke a reaction in people... '

The approach you have to take, is the same approach you have to take in rating a man's love lobster.. one girl says "honey... that thugalicious Inca Bull God put a killing on me last night... It sho' was good!  And another girl says...child doing that man was like eating a gherkin in the Patent Library... my panties fell asleep it was so boring!"  So who's right?  Obviously, you have to go over and test it out for yourself... And that's what you have to do with Spoken Word, and all movies... Test them out for yourself... and tell these movie reviewers you were born in the morning, but not this one... so get out my face!     And that mon dieu, it the T on movie reviews, and movie reviewers.